Thursday, July 29, 2010

I'm being forced to watch UFC.

     I'm sitting here eating delicious organic angel food cake with organic strawberries and homemade organic whipped cream with my boyfriend. Internet, say hi to L! *picks up L's hand and makes it wave* Oh I could never live without sugar.

     I plan on writing a short story about a patient in a mental asylum for the criminally insane. It should be fun. Bye!

Edit: I thought you guys should know that I had an interesting conversation about how I became a man, and with great manhood comes great responsibility. It is not a toy.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I felt like writing.

     Oh my goodness, I love cheese...I'm eating extra sharp white cheddar at the moment. Yummy yummy! Anyways, on to a sport I recently started! It's called Parkour. It's French. It's the sport of getting from point A to point B as gracefully and efficiently as possible.
     So, imagine you were being chased through...New York City. Your pursuer is coming up fast, and you have to climb up walls, change directions quickly, and dodge obstacles. Think urban Ninja. My cohorts and I enjoy this sport a lot, and I have excellent coaches! I, being the lazy lout I am, find this sport to actually be practical and enriching. I'm no tracer, but I plan on taking this for a long time.
     You'll be proud of me when you hear of my latest cooking exploits! *drum roll*...........I microwaved a chicken pot pie! I know, I'm in tears. But honestly, I am a pretty good cook, not to blow my own horn. But I haven't felt the drive to do anything about it. So...yes, that's all I have for tonight. See you later!

Monday, July 26, 2010

*gasp* I have a subscriber! And it's someone I don't know! (And a side note about Twilight. *vomits*)

     Oh my giddy aunt! I have a frakking subscriber! I'm fairly new to the blogging scene, so this is good for me. It's a little ego boost. So to speak...Anyways, I'm not that great at updating am I? Well, maybe because I have nothing to blog about. Well, I do, but there are too many things I'd like to write about. So if any of my few visitors happen to have an idea, that would be very helpful.

On another note...
     I hate Twilight. It is a sick, childish excuse for a book. (Notice I didn't say literature. Ha.)  What the heck is up with Edward?! That psychopath is an abusive boyfriend who sneaks into Bella's room and just sits there...Watching her...And she likes it! And this sparkle business? No, not happening. Vampires BURN in the sun. They DIE. I was shanghaied into watching the first movie and when Buttface (Edward) walked into the sunlight and said, "This is me, a killer!"(Or something to that effect), I was torn betwixt two reactions. Do I laugh until I vomit up a kidney? Or do I throw my Robert Downey Jr. Dr. Pepper at the screen? You tell me, dear reader. You tell me.

     My friends and I decided to try reading the book with the help of a red pen to correct Ms. Meyer. I got to chapter three and lost interest and had already called Bella several names. I kept a running count. It was like...fifteen. And the actors? Not that attractive. Jiraiya, the fifty-year-old pervert from Naruto is hotter than Taylor and Robert COMBINED.

     Let's get one thing straight: vampires cannot love mortals. As much as we may want that to be, and as much as the various romance novelists would like to have us believe, it won't happen. Mortals/Humans are food. Maybe the occasional plaything. They view us as a big pile of fail. Yes, they were once humans, but vampires are arrogant beings. So there you go. Signing off.